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Robert Liguori Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "Robert Liguori" journal:

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March 23rd, 2010
12:32 pm

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My day in court: A one-act play.
So, I was charged with Failure to Maintain Control (a flavor of Reckless driving) for my traffic accident in Petersburg a few months ago, described here.

What follows is a dramatic but accurate recounting of my experience in court.

Prologue:

Me: "So, lawyer. Talk to me."

Lawyer: "Well, Failure to Maintain Control is a serious crime in Virginia."

Me: "I know. Class 1 Misdemeanor. They can give out jail time for Class 1 Misdemeanor, yes?"

Lawyer: "Oh, I wouldn't worry too much about that."

Me: "OK, what should I be worried about?"

Lawyer: "I don't know the judge, and I haven't represented anyone in this particular court before. If this were in Williamsburg or Richmond, this would be a no-brainer, but we're not there."

Me: "So, what can I expect, then?"

Lawyer: "Let's find out together!"

Me: "..."

---

Me: *approaches the bench*

Judge, to Officer: "Please describe the incident."

Officer: *does so*

Judge: "Did you see the accident yourself?"

Officer: "No, your honor."

Judge: "Do you have any witnesses who accident yourself?"

Officer: "No, your honor."

Me, thinking to myself: "Good, good. I've read about decisions like this. No witnesses means that I will likely walk."

Judge: "Were any other vehicles involved in the accident?"

Officer: "No, your honor."

Judge: *gives Officer significant look*

Lawyer: "...Officer, could you please describe the weather the day of the-"

Judge: "What are you asking that for?"

Me, thinking to myself: "Wait, what? No, this is not according to what I've read! Weather conditions are important!"

Judge: *continues eyeballing Officer* "You don't have a bad case. You have no case. Not guilty." *waves us away*

---

So, it went well. And I had a very nice visit with friends in Richmond, as well.

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December 19th, 2009
10:19 pm

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Traffic accident.
On the drive back here to Williamsburg, I hit a patch of ice, skidded, skidded some more, hit the concrete barrier twice, and ended up with my car on the shoulder.

I am unharmed*. My car is totaled.

*I have a lovely seatbelt-shaped bruise across my torso, and a headache, but I walked out of the accident fine.

I really, really need to get in the habit of writing here more often, so my updates are less crisis-y.

Tasteless jokes about the situation and/or my driving habits are welcomed.

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October 13th, 2009
05:07 pm

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*sigh* I am special.
Being me means that when I hear the Skittles 'Taste the Rainbow' slogan repeated, I immediately make a joke about synesthesia.

Being me also means needing to have it explained to me why this got a round of blank looks all around.

Being me, in this case, also ended up meaning giving a two-minute presentation on synesthesia and its more common forms, including visual aid, to explain an offhand joke.

I need less obscure factoids, or at least more knowledge of obscure the factoids I reference actually are.

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September 30th, 2009
06:42 pm

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Culinary Kitchen Mishap #6241
So, I recently purchased a six-pack of Blue Moon Pumpkin Ale, as it was cheap and I generally like the taste of pumpkin ale. This, as it turn out, proved to be a mistake, because this particular batch of ale was far too bitter and underspiced for my preferences.

So, never being one to balk at edible experimentation, and not wanting five-sixths of the bottles to go to waste, I decided to experiment on one. I added a bit of cinnamon and nutmeg and a hint of cocoa-chile powder that gave it a lovely kick, but it was still too bitter. So I added a packet of artifical sweetener.

What happens, you ask, when you add superfine powder (which is to say, oodles and oodles of nucleation sites) to a highly-carbonated beverage? Bad things. Specifically, the beer immediately overflowed the bottle and started pouring down my hand.

Now, had I kept my head, this would have been an easily-recoverable situation; I could have walked the overflowing beer bottle to the sink, let it finish erupting, wipe down the counter and floor, and chalked it up to not mixing physics and alcohol.

As you can probably guess, I did not in fact do this. Instead, I panicked, attempted to plug the neck of the beer bottle with my thumb, and almost succeeded. The almost is the crucial part here. Instead of impeding the erupting beer, I put what amounted to a high-velocity spray nozzle onto it.

The good news is that beer cleans off of ceilings quite well if you get at it right away.

Also, the 15% or so of the beer that was left in the bottle was actually quite tasty.

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September 26th, 2009
10:29 am

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The Mall of Cthulhu: A short review, and a lot of Death of the Author.
This is an amusing book. It is interesting for me primarily from a sociological point of view. This isn't to say it's not an interesting and gripping book; it's just that I'm strange like that.

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06:56 am

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Books I Read: The Mall of Cthulhu
I am reading The Mall of Cthulhu, by Seamus Cooper. It is another entry in the Modern Mythos genre, and is, so far, interesting to read. The author nails the jargon and patter of nerdy 20-something recent college grads perfectly, and while there is not terribly much so far in the book that has not already been thematically explored in great depth in other works, the whole is very entertaining to step through.

More review to come when I finish the book.

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September 7th, 2009
08:24 am

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I saw Gamer. Don't make my mistake.
So, as the title of this post indicates, I saw the movie Gamer this weekend. It was hardcore, unending, full-intensity fail, from opening to closing credits. There were literally no segments in this movie that were even remotely worthwhile. At its best, it manages to tiredly walk through a few very old, very tired cliches, and only get them mostly wrong. At its worst...



I'm at a lack for words here. What I want to write is "At it's worst, it was like Gamer." This movie has redefined badwrongfailure for me.

So, in what ways did this movie fail specifically?

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September 1st, 2009
12:13 pm

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Facebook?
I have just signed up for Facebook.

I currently have no idea what it is supposed to be used for.

I shall investigate.

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August 30th, 2009
01:01 pm

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My first experience with the SCA.
I attended my first ever SCA event yet yesterday, called Flight of the Falcon. It is, as far as I can tell, a quasi-Invisifest of SCA events. (For those people who weren't in VTSFFC, this is to say it was a one day event with multiple small tracks, meant to give people a wide overview of the many things that happen in the organization).

Several of the things presented at the SCA definitely piqued my interest. Heavy-weapon fighting does not look like it would be my thing, but light-weapon fighting seems like it might be. There were also several crafty people producing many different period items, most of which were of surpassing quality.

I also managed to participate directly in a few things. The few contra dances Crimson took me to enabled me to dance in good stead, or at least stumble into fewer people than I would have otherwise.

My nascent attempt to learn a few period tunes paid off extremely well; in the music track, there was a lot of recorder action, which goes perfectly well with the D pennywhistle I brought. Eventually, the guy running the track pulled out some sheet music and I got to sight-read along with him. I also played along to a two-person drum circle to an improvised performance by a pair of belly dancers, which was also very cool, if slightly distracting. Obviously I need to learn more minor-key period music, so if the opportunity comes up again, I'm not distracting myself.

So, in summary: the local SCA seems to be cool and interesting. I will definitely be going back.

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August 23rd, 2009
07:35 am

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OK. So, they put Jon Stewart on Crossfire, and he called Carlson on his shit, gloriously and epically. And it was awesome. And even more awesome, enough people watched, and laughed, and then thought "Hmm. Jon has a point there.", that Crossfire got canned.

That, however, was the warm-up. You know Betsy McCaughey? She is one of the people who has been responsible for a great deal of the current arguments against the proposed health care reform stuffs. Specifically, she's responsible for the Death Panel nonsense, as well as more than a few of some of the other really WTH? claims.

So, Betsy McCaughey decided to appear as a guest on the Daily Show, to talk about what the proposed bill was saying to her. This was her fatal mistake. Because it turns out that what the bill was saying to her wasn't what it was saying to anyone else vaguely conversant in the English language, or at least anyone so conversant who did, say, turn out to be a director of a corporation that has a financial stake in a lack of healthcare reform. And it turns out that if you want to get up in front of someone, read from a bill, and claim the bill says something it doesn't, you really shouldn't have that person be Jon Stewart.

Anyway, Betsy needs a new job now, having resigned from her directorship immediately following her disastrous interview.

Artists? I have artists in my readership? I really want to commission a picture of Stewart in full plate mail, bearing a sword inscribed with the words "Lux Veritas", surrounded by artistically-dismembered monsters.

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